The Gauge

My Girl Wants to Party All the Time

Brooke  and her family were kind enough to host Elinor's very first birthday party! 

My mom and I spent the morning preparing the food.  It was fun to get some time in the kitchen with the one and only Mickey Hornbeck.  She can whip up potato salad in no time flat, where as I end up wanting to abandon the project half way through and never see another russet for as long as we both may live.

Here's what we came up with:

Gotta have French Onion dip.  Until you are disgusted with yourself (now), and then you have to have more.

Elinor was interested in opening presents for about 30 seconds.

Luckily, there was a little thing called HER FIRST CUPCAKE EVER.  There was also a little chick that scooted around the wagon and laid eggs. 

And real chickens too little to lay eggs.

We all had a really nice day.  Except when I got home and saw pictures of myself and realized that I could NOT keep growing my hair out and that I need to stay with counting points.  The weight will take a while, but the hair?  I went directly to Bishops and got it all chopped off.  I had a free coupon, or I would have gone to hairstylist to the stars, Robin.

More crafty delights later.  I actually have a ton of stuff on that front to share, but we've been so busy with birthdays and moms and all manner of wonderful things!  My mother and I are headed to a class on utility quilting tonight.  It's something I'm totally unfamiliar with, so I'll report back with the details.  Later, friends!

The Year in Review

Happy birthday, Midge! 

I love you so much it makes me want to throw open the window right now and yell it to the world!  You are the most darling little girl and I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life being your mother.

You have woken me up to so much that I never knew I could experience.  You have made me want to be better and to do more every single day.

I also love the incredible father you've made your papa into.  That just tickles me pink.

Someday when you ask me what you were like as a baby, I'll tell you about how your smiles light up the room, how you know how to tell us exactly how you're feeling, how much you love to eat, how sweet you are to your dog, how much you love to held and kissed and whispered to.  Mostly I'll tell you that I could see your personality from your first day, and how it gave me the thrill of my life to know I'd get to spend my days with you.

Thank you, Elinor, for all your gifts.  Have a wonderful day, Sweetheart.

Love,
Mama 

The Very Busy Day

For the second night running, Midge has been up with coughing and tooth pain.  It's fine, but it certainly puts a strain on the rest of our day, I'll tell you what!  She was miserable today.  Whine, whine, whine, cry, cry.  Poor little tot.

One would think she'd be a little happier, since her Grammie MADE her this:

How beautiful is that bear?  I am always so impressed with my mom's craftiness, but I really think this little guy is fantastic.  Elinor is so funny with him.  She full-body wrestles with him and hugs and squeezes her new little friend with all her might.  She's never really been like that with a toy, so it's crazy fun to watch...

Speaking of crazy, look at what else mom brought for me:

This incredible lap-size crazy quilt made by my great-grandmother, repaired by my grandmother, and now delivered to me to finish the job.  I am taking a class at Cool Cottons soon to learn crazy quilting stitches, so I'm excited to get this going.  What a treasure!

Skidamalink

I am headed off to the airport in a little bit to fetch my mom, but I thought I'd check in and share a few links of things I'm loving this week!

Jenny Lee Fowler's beautiful paper cuttings.

And her's, too!

Alicia's Spring reading list.

This woman's lovely work - especially numbers 19 and 20.

Pouring through old posts at this site.

The fact that I start working here next week.

Boring Circles of Lazy Sunrises

Oh, Sunrise Circle Jacket.  You are so cute, but so boring to knit.  I started so strong - finishing all but the last third - and then I put you down and tried to forget your boring boringness.  But I can't.  Lucky for you, I can't forget your cuteness either, so I'm giving you a second chance.  I'm not saying I'm perfect, SCJ, because I'm not.  But we need to finish what we started here.

Has anyone else knit this project?  I'm a little suspect, because I owned a knit shop and never saw this jacket pass through the front door on someone's back.  I'm making it out of my favorite yarn of all times, in the Mountain Laurel colorway.   It feels a little stiff, but I think it might have to be to hold it's unique shape.  That adorable model makes me want to believe that it's going to work out in the end.  Someday you'll see me leaning back at a nicely lit cafe, smiling peacefully, and rocking the Sunrise Circle Jacket.

This week, last year

I took this picture of myself a few days before Midgey was born.  I wanted to document that time, because I was pretty sure I'd forget that calm, that boredom, that waiting for Christmas feeling.  I wanted to show how big my belly was.  True to form, I always miss what I'm trying to capture when I take pictures of myself.  But I ended up liking how these came out because they make me remember. 

I spent a lot of time in bed in those last few days.  I was totally unaccustomed to having time off, so I wasted (it seemed to me then) whole days staring at the ceiling.  I had already gone through the cleaning phase, the running around, the baby-clothes folding.  I couldn't get comfortable enough to knit and I couldn't read anything but trashy magazines, which I remember vaguely worrying were bad for the baby.   I waited all day for Ashley to get home so I could tell him how bored I had been all day, and how I thought I felt contractions a few times.  Those days lasted years.

Part of me wants to go back and tell Caitlin of a year ago to savor the moments.  Most of me can't even believe I didn't know my little girl yet.  I look at my face in that picture and think, "you are about to get the most wonderful surprise of your life."

This, being Elinor's birthday week, has really set me thinking.  I'm sure I'll prattle on about everything I'm feeling about this milestone, but for now I'll settle for listening to her fuss over her first two teeth, which simultaneously made their appearence yesterday.  This turn of events is a little scary, given that Elinor likes to nurse and dance/kick/talk/smile/giggle/do headstands all at the same time.  Teeth can't be a good thing in that situation.

My good friend Brooke and I are going to check out the Pathways to Success program provided by the Oregon Tradeswomen here in Portland.  For seven weeks, participants get hands-on training and classroom instruction in a variety of trades.  I think this is so great!  And it's free, for Pete's sake.  I've often thought of getting into a trade, only to talk myself out of it for any number of reasons.  Who knows if it'll turn into anything, but I love the thought of learning more.  Always love learning more!

Yesterday, our little baby group had a combined birthday party.  It was freezing cold and we were huddled beneath the shelter at Wilshire Park, but it was still hecka fun.  We drank beer, ate cake, and cried over our babies turning into toddlers.  I made crocheted cupcakes for all the little ones:

Unbeknownst to us, our camera had a smudge on the lens (see above), so all of the pictures are a bust.  Elinor's proper party is next weekend, so I'll report back with all the good times.  We're excited because my mom will be here and it truly feels like we have so much to celebrate.

Tonight is my hand quilting class, which I am really looking forward to.  My teacher introduced me to this
little gem last week, and I've been making yo-yos like there's no tomorrow.  I love the look of an antique yo-yo quilt, but making one seems just plain insane.  Maybe a pillow.  Or a doll quilt.  Yeah, that's more like it.

Brooke and I have pledged to each other that we will both post each day for the next month.  The last time I promised this, I disappeared into the ether.  Not this time, buddy boy!  I'm up for it.  More tomorrow on what I've been quilting, knitting, cutting and dreaming.  High-fives!

So much, so much...

Hi again!  It's nice to see you again.  Things around here have been all sorts of crazy, so shall I bring you up to date?

First, I sold my little business.  It was with some sadness, but mostly a great sense of relief that I did this.  The strain on my family, our resources, my energy (I couldn't even blog for heaven's sake!) and the pull I felt between the business and my daughter led to this necessity.  I want to be a mother with spark, joy, peace.  Not one with a furrowed brow and circles under her eyes.  I really like the new owners, and I think they will bring the vitality and pizzazz to the business that I was losing.

Secondly (and I share this because it's been a very important thing for me), I was diagnosed with major depression and began to take a little pill called Zoloft that has made me feel that life is going to be okay....that I'm going to be okay.  This has been a long time coming, and my only regret is that I didn't get off the pot and do this sooner.  My doctors and I chose this medication because it allows me to still breast feed.  Lucky for me, we seem to have hit the jackpot right off the bat.  I didn't know I could still feel like this....I really didn't.

The first two things have led to all sorts of other events -- I have the energy to do so much more.  I have discovered a love of quilting that has me sewing like a mad woman.  I LOVE IT.  I have been doing machine and hand piecing, and have been taking a series of classes at Cool Cottons here in Portland which has truly opened my eyes to all the possibilities of this wonderful craft.  I'll be sharing photos and progress here.  Love it.  I come from a long line of quilters, but for some reason I never had the confidence to just go ahead and start on my own.  More on all that later.

I've also been experimenting with paper cutting, which I did quite a bit as a child but later abandoned.  If I can find it, I'll post a RAD silhouette I did of Alfred Hitchcock (the hero of my youth) when I was eight.

The knitting, embroidery and sewing projects abound, as well, and I really am anxious to share them here, if for nothing else than to have a record of this time when all the lights were turned back on in my world.

What else?  Oh yes, I remember.  Midge is about to turn A YEAR OLD.  What a year...what an incredible year.
 

Again with the beginning again.

I'm going to be back here REAL soon!  And frankly?  I can't wait!

Mabel's Cafe and Knittery

Well, as most of you know, Mabel's has closed.  This has been far more difficult than I expected, especially at moments like this, when I'm alone in this empty shop.  We opened three and a half years ago with such a sense of excitement, promise, anticipation...and now it's over.  It was three years of struggle, for sure, but also three years of having a home away from home, something to call my own, something I made.

When we opened, we were crazy busy.  People loved the idea, loved the coziness, loved our willingness to help them when other shops turned away.  We spent the first year in awe of our little business!  Then....well then a few other people tried the same concept, and a ton of new shops opened in Portland.  We felt it, for sure.  Between the abundance of yarn shops, more knitters shopping online, and the eventual closure of Wild Oats across the street, we really just didn't stand a chance.  People still loved us, still came to us, but unfortunately nothing was being backed up by sales.  During our closing sale, people kept saying "but it's always so busy in here!"  Yes, busy with people sitting and knitting, not with people shopping.  What everybody loved about us became our downfall.

 

We saw an alarming 40% decline in sales in one year.  Anyone can tell you that ain't sustainable.   We stayed open WAY too long after that.  I was afraid that our customers would be hurt, that they wouldn't have anywhere to go for help, that my employees would be left in the cold...that I wouldn't have my little corner to go to every day.  As I suspected, there were a lot of sad people during closing.  Not surprisingly, the people who were angry/upset/incredulous were the ones that I hadn't seen in a year, or had never seen at all.  One comment that's been uttered repeatedly is "I can't believe you're doing this to me!"  That one hurts....if only they knew how we tried not to.  It also, though, speaks to how much people thought of this little place as their own.  I like that part.

 

Oh - but this whole process is so wrought with emotion that I can hardly tell if I'm sad, hurt, embarrassed by my failure, relieved, or a mixture of it all.  What I know is that I can't believe it's over...no more warm shop full of wool, no more teaching Knitting 101, no more saving the day with people's last minute projects.  I can hardly stand the thought, honestly.

 

But also?  No more lying awake at night wondering how on earth to make it all work without financially ruining my family.  I may have done the ruining part, but heck!  At least I don't have to stay awake thinking about it anymore!

The course of Mabel's taught me that what I truly love is running a coffee shop.  I have done it for so many years of my life (since I was 18!) that it's part of my make-up at this point.  I knew when we were deciding to close, that I really wanted to make the coffee part work.

 

So, on September 1st, Tandem Coffeehouse will be opening it's doors.  I'm very excited (and nervous) about this.  My gut tells me it'll be fantastic.  We're having a painting party this weekend, and I'll post pictures of the opening process.  I kind of love the whole getting ready part.

I can't put all of this into words. It feels oddly big and important.

So for now....

Goodbye Mabel's!  Thanks for helping me know myself a little better, and for bringing so many remarkable people into my life.  God knows I loved you...I miss you already.